I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
