I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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