I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
