maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
