he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize