gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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