I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
