Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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