S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
