I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
