He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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