I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
