at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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