Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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