Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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