sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
