Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
