why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
