Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
