I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
