Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
