i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
