if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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