I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
