6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
