Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
