so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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