U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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