Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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