I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
