Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
