my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
