alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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