I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
