if only i could text you this smell
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
