i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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