Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
