So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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