dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
