I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
