True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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