Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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