if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
