he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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