yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's always time for handjobs
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
