so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize