Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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