I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
