I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
