If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
