when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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