I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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