so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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