Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
