I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
