Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
