Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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