Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
