i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
