I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
