Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
