Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
