You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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