She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
