he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
