wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
