Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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