went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
