The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
