i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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