i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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