my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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