so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
