theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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