what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
