HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
