Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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